Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Siapa Kawan?

Before I begin my tales of woe I just want to state for the record that I'm not looking for pity, sympathy, or any other kind of response from this post. This is not a cry for help, I'm just telling it like it is.

Yesterday I have hurt someone that I care for. No excuses. Out of anger. I have said somehing that I shouldn't have. I don't mean what I said. I don't blame anybody - it's my fault. I know apologizing won't make thing better straight away. Being hurt...it takes time to heal.

Scavengers looking at this as an opportunity to get back to me. The person who I called friend. Getting themselves involved. It's none of their business but maybe because they think that they care, they stepped in the problem anyway.

But do they really care?

I have made a mistake so let me deal with it. But instead of doing that.....they stabbed me from the back. They shouldn't take sides and should help us to settle it. They don't even give the space for me to deal with it. They closed the door and make their judgement. They even encouraged and persuaded the person I care to leave the house.

But, I have learned valuable lesson and rather grateful. This thing sort of an eye opener for me. I've been defending this people all the time despite whatever they have done. One after another, making their moved - out from the circle of friendship..when you ask why are they leaving or away...the answer leads back to this trouble makers. They are the person who have been hurt by this trouble makers and decided to keep it silent and told me instead.
I still take a deep breath and do nothing. However in the process, I advised them. They might not like my advice...but I have done my part.
They hold it within themselves and wait for me to make one mistake.

I am the one who bring them into the group. Few expressed their concern about their involvement...some say they are using me to what get they want, ...but I would think positive...attitude can change, i said. Obviously, the fingers is pointing back at me. Their attitude remained but others (a few) who express their concerned...changes.

What have they done to create such a mess? They gossip, seeking attention, creating tension, brag about everything, disturbance. They are new in the group and they want everyone to accept them, a bit too quick. The comfort zone among the group got disturbed. Someone got hurt and decided to get away. bad words spreaded. Everyone got curious and we are falling apart. I am the witness and see all of this happen right infront of my eyes. I have tried persuading them but...they are not comfortable.

"Ray...kan dah aku cakap...dari mula lagi!" "Kenapa la ko ni? Bukan aku x bgtau...skrg ko plak dah terkena" I ve got this scolding from a friend who experience it before me. I asked for advice and what I've got is scolding..huhuh.

They don't realised that...the more they react...the more foolish they looked. Because, everyone knows... what's going on before and when/how this is all started.

I may lost few friends today. But on the other hand I have people who are smart enough to think for themselves. This people carries my dignity. For that I thank you.

I also recieved nasty comments in my previous post. I just laughed at it. It's ok because I started it by sending him a nasty sms. A harsh one because I got fed up with all this thing. I have decided to delete it. But, what right do this person have to intefere with my problems? Again they make a fool of themselves. I repeat, if they do care they won't be doing what they have done. It's clearly a revenge.

Most important thing is, I care for this person who I have hurt. Allah knows. It has been a year since. The person who makes me proud, who I care for...can think and decide at his level best.

At the same time I'm hurt...a friend who I have trusted her unconditionally and dearly, decided to take sides. It's up to her and nothing much I can do about it. To her, I would say this....I hope that you are happy now. It must been a relief right? because you have finally make up your mind. behind my back.

I also realised, few people who supported me (bodek)- because of the power that I had. So, it's crystal clear...when you have none...the respect dissapears and you know whose on your side. I'm glad I resigned because I won't have this scavengers around me anymore.

I will remember this day for the rest of my life. The day I have hurt someone and the day that reveal who my true friends are. I refused to waste any of my time anymore. I have wasted enough. I will leave everything behind now with support of my true friends.

I will close this chapter and start the new beginning.

2 mulut cakap2 belakang:

Anonymous said...

life must go on buddy...

it is normal friend come and go..

later, they might realise the best of you..

cheers,,,

~~KC~~

ray eusouff said...

Thanks KC...
appreciate yur concerned.

will do just that...moving on